How I feel to be seen by people around me // Dada's diary

Morning everybody.

Lately, I have been keeping thinking about people. And not about people in general, however about specific ones, the people around me and their behaviour towards me.

For the last two years I have been discovering my worse parts of personality and my negative sides. I have been digging deeply in my heart (or mind if you want), trying to find everything bad it could be there. Honestly, it´s almost destroyed me. To take out your worst memories or situations that ever happened to you, that is a task which is worth a price.

I found a mess. Complete mess which I have cleaned as much as I could. It is like with very old oven, some of the dirt does not want to go, you have to try and try to clean it until it is finally gone. It works exactly like that as it works with the old oven (yeah, I might feel old sometimes).

Wait a minute, I was talking about the price you are worth after the great cleaning your inside. From my point of view, you should be taken by people in a different way as you were before. Because, everybody makes mistakes. And we should be forgiving. You know, I´ve forgiven people who hurt me very much. And they did not care. And I hurt a lot of people. Each of us did, some of us less, some of us more. I see myself as a person who hurt more than others. I might be just too strict to myself but that is how I feel it. But I made it up. Everything if I may say. Any s**t I have ever done or though, I paid for it. It just works like that and soon you find it out, the soon you should be able to avoid it.

Often I do not feel I got the price for being a better human being. There are moments when I feel "this is why I have done it, this is the moment I have been waiting for". But then comes somebody who knows or does not know me very well and starts judging me. Not in person, they keep it for themselves or they gossip about me later.

They say I am silly. They say I am a child. They say I will not be successful. They say I act as I should not. They say I am too emotional. They say I do not understand the life. They say I do not know how to manage my life.

I am not silly, I know something. Maybe less than you, maybe more than you. But why should we say it to everybody? Why should we be asked to extol what we do? Why should we let everybody know details of the life way we have chosen to go through?
I do not have to and I will not. Let live our lives without comparing who has got better education or where they work. 

I am a child. I admit I often feel that good. Could you believe that? I am able to live my life as a adult but inside of me, I can explode with a pure joy and happiness you might have forgot. It is a fantastic feeling. When I feel good and comfortable, you see the true me and they say that it should not be like that? Why should not it be? Who are us to say what is good and wrong about other people? I do not cover bad, very bad people who did horrible things. But even there I do not feel that important and informed to throw them away as bad ones and start to judge them. I try to understand them and show them the right way. It is that simple and it makes a huge difference. And most importantly, all of us choose the right way for ourselves.
What I want to say with this is that just because somebody feels so good at your company that they show you how happy and lightly they are with you, that is not automatically wrong. We should not stop enjoy the happiness we felt when we were younger. I think that is the opposite. That should be the biggest compliment you can get without even be said about the compliment.

I am successful. They were/are wrong. I have been born successful because since then I have had everything. It have not changed it until now. Hopefully it will not change and I will pass this success to my children. However I can be more successful, there is no doubt about it. And I work on it. And I will. I just do not want people to see me, working on things I want to achieve. Because when I showed my dreams and told them about my plans, they did not believe them or they even laughed on them. Well, should I say the plans were successfully done and now I should be the one laughing? No. I would like to support them and let them know that we should follow our dreams and work on our plans. 

I act as I should not, sometimes. Since my thoughts go too quickly for other people to catch that speed, they sometimes do not understand what or why I say something. Or I can say what I exactly feel or I can misunderstand. That happens to a lot of people I believe. I have been working on it. But it is not that easy. You do not wake up one day and change something what was/is natural for your personality for years. You have to really change the way how you´re thinking. So, give me time please :-)

I am too emotional. I am and I am proud of it. I inherited it from my mum and although I know it makes my life more difficult, I do not want to give up of it. I am able to feel much more than other people. Yes I can be hurt more. But I can also be happier, do no forget about that. To make my and others´ lives easier, I try to be honest straight away when I get to know somebody and lately they do not seem to have a big problem with that. Actually they say the opposite. So why was I told almost my whole life than this is one of the worst sides of my personality? :-(

I understand life. Oh, you have no idea (probably) how very well I understand it. And hopefully you will never have to find out why. There is one thing which is different how you see the life and how I see the life. We do not live the same life. Since the first second, each of us has been walking a different path. And isn't it good? or even - beautiful?

And about managing my life - I heard this just from people who did not seem to live the happiest lives. They are often complaining about things just they can change, they have a lot of negativity in they hearts and they even spread it and the most importantly - they see the evil and iniquity just on other people. Let's keep this one for each of us to answer it the best as we just can.

Do not judge people like me please. We listen to as well even when you do not say it louder. We see as you act in our company and we feel how you treat us. We are humans as well. 

I just do not understand the injustice. I should not have to defend myself like this. Or people similar to me. I realise we are harder to be understood. But that is not reason to give up on us.
A lot of very important people in a recent history felt almost the same as I feel. And I began to defend myself after I read about them, when  I saw the thoughts they shared with the rest of the world.
I do not feel hatred in my heart anymore and I see everybody clear. You might try it as well. For the start, just close and then slowly open your eyes.

Thank you for reading this article. Means a lot. <3 Serusky

Majorca 2017 // Dada's travelling

This post was supposed to come out in May. Well, not everything goes as I plan and believe, since I plan a lot. I had more important posts or I did not have a time or I found another excuse not to write this article. Why? Believe me, I have no idea.

Majorca, a beautiful island located in the Mediterranean sea, a part of Spain. Majorca or locally called MALLORCA is the biggest of the Balearic islands. It is very popular destination for Germans and Brits, we met a lot of them there.

It was Mario, who was sometime searching through the sale offers on Raynair website. We wanted to flight somewhere to have a rest, to forget about about stressful jobs, to enjoy time spending together, to discover a new country. So you can image my expression towards him when he told me he had bought tickets to Majorca. I was looking forward a lot, I even made a little planner on our door to cross one square with a date on it every evening.

And the day finally came and I remember the morning quite well. Why? Because I was stressed since I was supposed to survive my first flight in my life, Mario was being lazy (:-D) and had much time as usually and in the end we were running to catch the bus which went to the airport. Just a little note - we catched the bus with any problem, actually we were waiting for it.

The FLIGHT.

I was OK, I did not stress too much or had a panic attack. No, I was curious, I was really looking forward. Believe or not, I did not google how I would feel, how does it work or anything. Mario had flown already in his life so he said me that the feeling is quite OK and he even enjoyed it. And I believe him as much as possible. When I got to the plane, I was surprised. A bit small it was. Too small. But Mario explained to me that these planes are small. We had seats next to each other, so I thought he would die for me in any case, so I am safe. It took ages until everyone sat down, and the plane started moving. And then the panic came. Our stewards had started to explain how everything works in a case of AN EMERGENCY and I was literally staring at them. How should I put the belt? And the life vest? How does it work? The oxygen mask? Emergency entrance? From plane? Those questions were going on in my mind, so I captured nothing of their saying. Mario probably felt how I am starting to grab his hand too strong so he just said that everything is OK etc. Do you think I believed him this time? Hell, no. I became really scared. So the plane stopped and I looked out of the window what was happening...and then the plane like twitched from the point where we were standing and picked up the speed. You know, I did not know it works like that. I thought it would have gone from easy and nice speed to this speed. I grabbed Mario's both hands and almost cried. When the plane took off the ground I felt something I have never felt before.

It was so cool,  I really liked the feeling. I mean I was scared to death but apart from that I enjoyed it.

The flight continued quite OK, I did not have any issues I think so. But when we were about the land... The stress came back. I thought we are falling down, that we are about to die. Of course they said to us that we are about to land and everything was OK, but again, I did not listen. The feeling of landing was not the same as was the feeling of taking off. I felt horrible, I hated it. But we finally landed and I knew I survived it. Since then I have flown for few times and the feeling is still the same. Taking off - loving it, landing - hating it.

THE HOTEL.

We were lucky I must say. Our accommodation was quite cheap (OK, it was really cheap compare what we got from it), we chose an all inclusive option of staying there and our room was pretty nice. I liked our bathroom because we had a proper bath, not just a shower. I did not use the bath at the end, but just the feeling we got it made me feel satisfied. Hotel personal was nice and since we were in "German" part of an island, we lived with a lot of Germans. Unfortunately I did not learn anything from German language because we did not talk to anybody just to have a conversation. We wanted to spend time just together. We also had a chance to use "wellness centre". We were not expecting a lot but it turned out there was just a small and not really powerful Jacuzzi and a little sauna which we did not even use. 

THE SEA.

As you have already read, we came to Majorca in April, which is not the main touristic season. The sea was a bit cold but nothing unmanageable for me. For Mario? Cold, cold and once more cold. But that is acceptable because I use cold water for showering while he uses boiling water. Water was fascinatingly clear as you can see from the photos above the text. You can also see little pieces of wood and also some seaweed in the photos. I do not really enjoy this stuff in the water, it bothers me a bit.

We were at the sea just once, after coming to Majorca. But that's OK, we did not plan to spend days on the beach, we wanted to do some trips and visit interesting places. And since we are not able just to rest and do nothing all day, we did not miss the beach a lot. 

FOOD.

On the one side - we did enjoy having the ability to eat whatever we wanted and how much we wanted. On the other side - I kept eating too much. When I have a look back, I am slapping myself for that over-eating. But I can be like that sometimes. Never mind, that 3 kilograms I gained are gone and hopefully they will not arrive back :-)

The quality of the food... Well, it was tasty but honestly, too oily and not really Spanish type of food. They served mainly internationally popular dishes which were not that healthy or special for taste. 

The hotel had a nice rule - make a little effort with dressing up during dinner time. I enjoyed how almost everybody put nicer clothes on and eat in a nice way. 

EXPLORING THE ISLAND.

Majorca is beautiful. It has hills, trees, blue sea, shinning sun, breath-taking viewpoints and different kinds of cactuses! I enjoyed it a lot. We borrowed bicycles in the morning and went for a ride "around" the island. We made about 50 kilometres in total, saw all the things I have already mentioned above and built a huge muscle pain for the next day :-D

You know, I really loved that time, just me and Mario riding along the sea, sun was shining on us, we had those cool retro bikes,... it was enjoyable, almost magical. I was so happy. Even now when I remember on those times, I have to smile. I can even feel the salty air here, in Prague. 

PALMA DE MALLORCA.

The Capital of this quite small island (let's be honest) is surprisingly big and stretched out. And historical. That was the most beautiful for me. The history and architecture of it. I like small tiny streets with nice coffee shops and old gentlemen smoking their pipes and playing cards. I found this picture in Palma and it was just gorgeous. It gives the most perfect atmosphere to the city. 

The dominant of the centre of the Capital is the Cathedral on the hill. You can see it from miles and it just stands there as a safe point for anybody who lost their way. It gives you the feeling you can go there and find yourself or find anything you have lost. Unfortunately we could not go inside which made me upset a lot. I adore churches and cathedrals. Why? First of all, there is that scent of frankincense. Yeah, I am one of the people who enjoys that smell. Secondly, the architecture of the building. It is just marvellous how they built it. Every detail was done perfectly, you cannot find a mistake in it. And the third reason is that I feel good, safe and calm there. I am not a strong believer but I believe. But I do not point myself in any religion. I would feel the same feeling in Mosque as well. I think, mainly because what is happening there I feel so good there. The goodness and all the wishes and the prayers have been building the energy within those places. Just magical...

Let me tell you something about the places around the city centre. They are not as beautiful as the centre of the Capital is. These suburbs are more poor, people live in worse conditions as you would think about people living in the centre. You can see that people there were not able to be born into the rich and wealth area and it is more difficult for them to make a change. It just makes me upset and thankful for the way my life has been going since I was born at the same time. 

So that was our little adventure in Majorca. 

Thank you Mario you took me there as a reward for my working schedule that time. I really needed and this trip gave me the strength I needed to continue. 

Let's come back here the next time guys <3 Serusky